Chechanie

Last night I was in the middle of one of those great 2:00 AM phone conversations with Stephanie when a really neat realization struck me.

I have the ability to to make Stephanie the happiest fiancé in the world.

Now, that's a neat privilege.

The Anniversary Post

Here's to the woman who makes my life sing. I love you, amor!

Reason Mauricio loves Stephanie #124

I woke up this morning and found the following text message:

Jan 10, 2008 2:46 AM
On my way home...I know ur asleep but just letting u know ur on my mind



...I think she likes me. :)

File this one under "things Stephanie likes"

Here's a video my beloved showed me this afternoon.
Just thought I'd share the fun:

Guess who turns 23 today?

...I am surely one of the all time most blessed men of all time

I am counseled

Hooray for having a functional relationship!

Today was pre-marital counseling session number one for my beloved and I, and it went really well!
I mean, I was pretty positive from the start that it was going to be a good time, but validation is always nice, and that's how it went. I think my favorite part was Steph and I telling our story together again. It feels like it's been a while since the last time we got to share it together; that rush of emotional recall that comes with each telling reminds me of how special what we have really is. I was reminded of all of the fantastic coincidences (we call them divine appointments) that brought us together in a way neither of us could ever have planned, and it was a clarion reminder that we really are meant for each other.

We've talked before about our occasional doubts and the fears that tagged along when we made our decision to get married, and for someone who lives in his head as much as I do, who is as prone to dwelling and over-analysis as I am, those can be hard to dislodge at times.

Which is why I love nights like these, that remind me of the important things.

PS: While we're on the subject of relationships and important things, anyone in a serious relationship could definitely benefit from articles like this one.

Traveling mercies

I had been waiting for the chance to use the google maps feature on the iPhone on an actual road trip, and yesterday my chance finally came! Steph and I had the address for the friends we were going to visit, a car to drive in, and, most importantly, a nifty iPhone, so we were ready to rock!
Unfortunately, Murphy's law being what it is, we still managed to get lost; apparently the map was zoomed in a little too far, which made us think that that big yellow line on the map before the road we were going to turn on was US-1 instead of University Drive....etc. etc. you know the drill. Trust me, this says way more about Steph and I than it does about the iPhone. Anyway, all that just goes to show you that no piece of technology, no matter how amazing, can replace the power of actually using your brain. My Mastercard commercial for the evening would go something like this:

Full tank of gas: $30
iPhone: $600
Paying attention so that you don't arrive almost 45 minutes late: priceless

The long night of editing

It's definitely way past my bedtime, but unforeseen snafus in the the ol' editing suite will do that to you. At the moment I'm waiting for the final sequence to export to the sound of machine gun fire and the random loud taunt or shout here and there as Kyle and Joey play Rainbow Six on their two Xboxes in here.

I left Steph's house a few hours ago, and by now I's sure she's fast asleep. She called me earlier just after getting off from work, tired and exhausted; she'd had a rough go of it, so we made plans to eat some dinner. I bought her Chinese and sat with her and watched a bit of the movie Dance with Me (you know, the one with Chayanne & Vanessa Williams from back in the day). I spent most of my time making sure she didn't have to get up from the couch for anything, you know, refilling cups or taking dishes to wash as the occasion warranted.

I don't mention that in order to paint myself as some kind of saint (although, according to Scripture...never mind, I'll save that discussion for another day), because living with me is a whole lot different than being engaged to me. Just ask the people in my house when I'm in a grouchy mood. No, I'm nowhere near as altruistic as all that and I know it. The reason I work hard at serving Steph isn't because I'm a selfless person, it's because I'm very selfish and acting outside of those natural tendencies helps to make me into that kind of a person.

I'm reminded at the moment of the emphasis in Scripture on acting on what we believe and not merely talking about it (James 1:22). I like the gritty, hands-on nature of that kind of a life. It's true that we're becoming the people that we're going to be for the rest of our lives, so it follows that our decisions matter, that they have a certain amount of weight to them, even in the little ones we don't think really matter. Trails are made through repetitive use, and habits are ingrained by the same, so it makes a neat kind of sense that God would use our choices to form us into the kinds of people God is looking for.

All this leads to why I try to serve & sometimes spoil Stephanie as best as I can. My understanding is that in order to have the kind of relationship we want years from now, it means learning to become the kind of person for whom serving comes naturally, and aside from prayer and time spent reading Scripture, a good chunk of laying hold of that reality means building the kinds of habits into my life that will enable me to become that kind of person. Lord knows, I won't always feel like being the selfless romantic, but hopefully it will be in those times that I'll be able to rely on those habits I've built into my life in order to be the husband I'm looking to be one day, a la Ephesians 5.

Anyway, those are my random musings for the evening. My stuff's pretty much done, so it's just as well. I am so looking forward to getting some sleep!

Sunday Sunday Sunday!

Lessee here...it's about 12:10 AM...which means that in 7 hours and 50 minutes I'll be onstage in Hallandale, warming up the ol' saxophone and the vocal chords. Exciting stuff. I probably sounded like a complete dork when Allen, our Magnification Pastor (think: overseer of everything related to the creative arts at FRC, including but not limited to music, stage design, tech, atmosphere, etc.) called me and asked me if I wanted to play down at the Hallandale campus. My voice jumped an octave or two, but I don't care, because I've been itching to spend a Sunday or two at some of the other places where we do our weekend thing.

By the way, if any of you reading this happens to be a saxophone player who likes to help lead worship on their horn, give me a call because it's a little lonely being the only one (sad face).

In other news, my arms and chest, especially the right side, feel like a sac of of potatoes that have been dropped down several flights of stairs. Not that I'm complaining. I was warned that the first week of hitting the gym will do that to you, so I had a pretty good idea of what was coming. I've just never been so painfully aware of the location of all the muscles in my torso before, that's all (and don't poke me, either. I'll whine and nobody wants to see that).

I'm still waiting for the High Def feed to finish exporting to the Doral drive*, so I'll write some more. Steph and I had dinner at Chili's tonight, which was pretty fun. We had a good time, swapping one liners with the waitress, talking about how great it was to be engaged, and poking fun at the group of guys across from us whose seemingly sole reason for eating at Chili's that night was to check out the waitresses' butts.

At this point I'm pretty stoked as to how we're doing morally. Most of that I think comes from the fact that we spend so much time around her family. I'd say the majority of our time (I can't really think of an accurate percentage for all you numbers people, but it's probably somewhere in the high 70s or 80s) is spent at her house either directly engaged with or just in the presence of, her family.
It also helps that they're so much fun to be around. It's especially great for a guy like me, whose background is so different. Most of the time I feel so out of place among the disfunction and disconnect that marks so much of my extended family, so it's a real breath of fresh air to be among a group of people who know how to resolve issues and be at peace with one another (for the most part). Plus, they treat me like one of their own.

The time we spend with her family really has gone a long way towards fostering a really good relationship between me and them and us and them and us and each other, which in turn is helping make the whole transition towards marriage that much easier for us, I think.

We do get some alone time, though. Steph and I go out on dates at least three or four times a week, be it lunch dates or walks or coffee, that sort of thing (we don't really do movies unless it's at one of our homes), and we're really good about finding chunks of uninterrupted time when we can unpack and really discuss the deep things.

I dunno, it's a neat balance, and I don't take it for granted. I'm sure if we put ourselves in the wrong situations, we'd probably be struggling with purity a whole lot more than we do, but I think we've managed to get to a place where we're trusting that the physical side of our courtship will figure itself out okay on the other side of marriage. I hope it stays that way, because as much as there's that part of me that wants to push that line (you know what I'm talking about), the sense of peace and simple innocence that marks this deal is the one of the most amazing feelings I've ever known, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Anywho, enough about relational stuff. Lately I feel like a broken record. Maybe I'll try to get in a fight with Steph next week so I can talk about resolving drama in relationships or something. I dunno....I'll figure something out...anyway, for now, I'm off.

*we put Saturday night's sermon on the screens the next morning at our other campuses. In order to pull that off, somone's got to cut together the video and put it in a format the other campuses can use. That someone is Kyle and I tonight.

Insert thoughtful title here

It's very very late, so I'm not going to write much...

Steph and I attended a beautiful wedding tonight, which was especially unique because it was our first one as an engaged couple. We had a great time picking each other's brains throughout the evening, commenting on how we liked that detail or talking about how we wanted to incorporate this other one here, etc.
It is quite an amazing and almost unbelievable thing to me that I should be in the engagement that I'm a part of. I am absolutely floored by her presence in my life. There's not a much better way I can think of describing what's in my heart than this. The world owes me nothing. God definitely doesn't owe me anything. I did nothing to earn this. Yet here I am, walking beside a person who in so many ways is a walking picture of grace in my life (an incredibly hot walking picture of grace, I might add). I literally have a better view of the God I love that I wouldn't have had if I'd never met Stephanie.
When she tells me that she chose me, it reminds me that Christ chose me first.
Sometimes my eyes will find her across a room and suddenly it's like everything else stopped existing for a moment, and it's a reminder that I am the apple of God's eye and He loves me even more than that.
All I can do is love her the best I know how. I can't change her, can't force her to respect me (and if I were to try I would look like a complete idiot). All I can do is love. Her response is not up to me. All Christ does is love me, and invites me to respond.

Yeah, I said I wouldn't write much, but I got on a roll. It's really a neat thing how you could spend some really solid chunks of time unpacking all of the ways a courtship, an engagement, or a marriage can illuminate and deepen a person's walk with Christ (which is I guess why the church if called a Bride)

Anyway, none of this is new and is probably all written in books by guys much smarter than I am, but all the same, the joy of it for me is discovering it all for the first time as I take these steps with Steph.
Okay, now I'm going to bed for real

thoughts on crossing over

I am so tired right now.
I think the only reason I'm still awake is because I'm still trying to process everything that happened tonight, and because my body is still trying to cope with all the massive emotional currents that were dragging me all over the place.

I'll make this the short version, and then maybe after I get back from camp (which I leave for in about 3 hours) I'll write more (which is sounding suspiciously like one of those New Year's resolutions that I won't follow through on).

There is news, and the news is this: tonight I asked Stephanie to marry me and she said yes.

Man, I really wish I were the kind of knock-out writer who had the kind of talent to get across how amazing this really is for me, how much of an undeserved, mind-blowing act of grace just her presence in my life is. I want to be an 80-year-old codger with her at cracker barrel, holding hands and talking about how much our 15 grandkids kick everyone else's grandkids butt.

I think, and I'm going to be really honest here, one of the things that excites me the most about this next journey is the opportunity to have a better marriage than some of the ones we've seen, to prove by God's grace that a marriage lived by God's design is possible and is better than anything else out there. It's going to be hard, I know it. There are probably times when she's going to want to knock me flat on my rear. Plus, how many really marriages do you see now adays that really make you stop and say, man, I wish I had that! (as a side note, I work at a place surrounded by guys who have been in the race for years and still got it goin on with their wives, so I'm not implying that successful marriages aren't out there)

Then again, we're almost a year into our courtship with zero guilt, no marks of impurity, and the full involvement/approval/joyful participation of her family (who also happen to be the most well-adjusted group of people I've ever met who were related), among other things.

Anyway, all that to say that I'm not trying to pretend like we're Supercouple and will never disagree, but mainly I want to reiterate the beauty of hoping for something you've never seen and pursuing a dream because it is beautiful, true, and of God. You live your life wondering if something is possible, wondering if a person can really experience something better than what they've been handed.
So you pray about it, and the hands of God open and it's better than anything you every could have conjured on your own. It's worth following God. It really is. Purity has been an adventure, has opened doors of intimacy and joy in our lives that we couldn't have found any other way. I wouldn't trade my story for all the sex in the world.
I'm a failure, and yet God chooses me and walks with me and writes me into His story...yeah, I'm definitely floored and I don't care who knows it.

I'm also a liar, because what the heck am I still doing typing, I need to get some sleep!

good night.

People Matter

I was reminded tonight of a very important truth:

You can't treat people like they don't matter, because they do.

It's a pity that it took someone else making me feel an inch high for me to realize that I don't want to ever take out my frustrations on people I care about, but like Troy says, people are motivated by pleasure and pain, and for my sake I'm glad that I'm starting to "get it," pain or not.

Steph and I spent some time talking about this, and we both decided that is one thing we definitely don't want to carry into our adulthood. It really did (and still does) mean a great deal to me that she was willing to walk with me through this, and that at the end of it, we were able to decide how we were and were not going to treat each other and the people around us.
So much of my behavior is habitual, and I'm not so sure that all of it is noble...
I'm reminded that every day we are becoming the people we are going to be for the rest of our lives, that I am deciding right now the kind of 30-year old, 40-year old, 50 year-old man I'm going to be. The fact that Stephanie is the kind of person who is willing to deeply wrestle with this alongside of me says a whole lot about her, and reminds me that I am truly blessed among men to be courting such an amazing woman. "Lily among thorns" is the appropriate term here, methinks.

Rumors...

I found out yesterday that there are rumors flying around Homestead that Stephanie Sanchez is engaged. Steph and I talked about this and both agree that we need to get to the bottom of this and figure out who she's engaged to, because obviously, whoever that person is would probably be a little annoyed to discover that she has been in a courtship with me for the past nine months.
If anybody has any news about this, it would be very appreciated.

I love this song

Tonight I got to check out Fellowship Church's Miami campus, and I was pretty impressed and encouraged at the thought that they were doing that kind of ministry down here. It also got me stoked, because video-wise, Brian and I could most definitely produce at the level these guys are kicking out. It's exciting because it tells me that what I'm learning is the real deal, that this an area that God's given us the ability to excell in for some reason. We just need to find more guys to do it with us (any volunteers?).

While I was there, I also discovered my new favorite song. This one is making it into my wedding. The lyrics alone don't do it justice, but I'll post them anyway. The song is Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol.
The topic of the evening was sex, specifically, how our culture, by and large, has taken such a beautiful concept and cheapened it to the point where it's little more than a scratch for an itch. Ed talked about how God's plan takes sex and makes is sacred again, makes it beautiful, and makes it worth waiting for. I mention it because the band performed the song over a video that featured pictures of married couples, starting with newlyweds, and moving on up to older couples married for over 40 years. To be honest, I found myself getting a little misty as the song went on, because the lyrics so perfectly expressed the hope that is in my heart when I'm around Stephanie.

To be in a courtship where purity is treasured out of deep love and not dead legalism is a blessing I can't even begin to describe, and one day I'll put down a proper post describing all the beautiful things I'm learning from waiting with Steph. For now, though, enjoy the lyrics.

We'll do it all / Everything / On our own
We don't need / Anything / Or anyone
If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know / How to say / How I feel
Those three words / Are said too much / They're not enough
If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told / Before we get too old / Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time / Chasing cars / Around our heads
I need your grace / To remind me / To find my own
If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told / Before we get too old / Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am / All that I ever was / Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where / Confused about how as well / Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world?