Pre-sleep musings

You know what? I am really glad that I periodically take time to put things down in writing like this. Looking back helps me remember that God still works, which at this point, the normal response is probably something akin to "duh," but I still get a kick out of it when common sense works for me. I had one of those moments Wednesday night.


You see, this past Wednesday I had the rather neat oppertunity to share a part of my story at The Loft, which is the post-collegiate singles group here at FRC. It was a lot of fun, and for a time I found myself feeling that same feeling that influenced me to leave home and pursue a Music Ed. degree FSU.
I think what I liked the most about the whole experience, though, was what I learned from being up front - or rather, what I was reminded of (warning: pithy quote ahead).

According to Google (therefore I get no credit for knowing this), it was Samuel Johnson who said that people "more frequently need to be reminded rather than informed," which perfectly describes me, a guy for whom years of public school testing has sharpened my short term memory into a well-oiled machine - to the point that I can learn something and forget I ever heard it mere days later.

Anywho, Benn and Debbi asked me to talk about the journey I've been on, what I've been through, and as I thought through and read over some of my past entries, I was reminded of something very true and very much needed at this point in my life.

I talked about last year, starting with January of '05. How I found myself one night in a very distressing awareness of how selfish and immature I really was, and how, having no idea of how to fix it on my own, I prayed a very scary prayer that went something like "God, you need to break me or this isn't going to change." And it totally sucked (they don't call it brutal honesty for no reason), but at the same time, as I heard Louie Giglio say once, it "hurt good." Anyone who's known brokenness will understand what I'm getting at.
Fast forward to a year later, after I'd almost forgotten about the whole thing, when I finally starting taking small steps towards focusing on Christ and not on the waves around me. Among my entries, I found a small, innocuous sentence that is slowly coming to mean a whole lot to me, because it represents a shift in me that I can in no way take credit for:

"...I think that more than anything else, this [entry] is another sign that I'm slowly learning to believe the truth that in the end, where I end up and who I end up there with isn't up to me anymore...",

Learning to believe...the story of my life.
Such a small thing on the outside. Miniscule, really. After all, how many times do people grow out of things, or eat something that makes them feel different, or hear the right song, whatever. Yeah, it doesn't seem like a big deal.
But it is to me.
That last year. The courtship I'm a part of. The very fact that I can look back on eight months of serious relationship with absolutely nothing to hide and the confidence that Christ has been at the center, not because we're so great, but by God's grace alone...those things mean a whole lot.
And I've still got a long way to go. But it's nice to be reminded that God really does still change people.