This moment

I'm the kind of person who tends to get really annoyed inside whenever I hear the words, "just wait until you're older, then you're going to _____," especially if the blank in question involves some kind of negative downturn my character or a feeling about some issue is supposed to take in x number of years.
I sense a lot of this in discussions I've had about marriage, as well as in my own personal observations of where certain couples I've met are in their relationships. I do have to be honest and add the caveat that the latter probably results more from my tendency to over-analyze everything rather than any overt displays on their part.
Still, I sometimes look at the lives of people around me and I think to myself, is this what they envisioned and hoped for themselves when they pictured this stage of their life from my shoes?
Sometimes I think they would answer a yes, or even a maybe, but a lot of times, I think the answer would be no, and this makes me a little sad.

Aaron and I had a pretty long discussion about marriage and sex tonight, and I found myself at one point lamenting at the impression I get that for a lot of guys who are married, sex becomes something that divides rather than unifies. I get the sense that we as a culture have boiled the whole thing down to pretty much just a physical release that we barter and perform for and in the process lose the wonder and the phenomenal mystery that comes with the idea of two people becoming one. The wonder and mystery part is something that I'm glad is very scriptural, because I feel it deep in my core that what Stephanie and I are building together and working towards is a holy thing. Having a deep conviction is a whole lot more fun when it's built on something solid.
As I look around, though, it's a bit saddening to see how cheapened and jaded this idea has become. I'm no researcher, and I could be 100% wrong about the state of marital unity in that area in our culture, but regardless of what the numbers were, the important thing for me was the conviction I feel from my core about this area of our relationship, and that is this: I do not under any circumstances want to lose the wonder and the preciousness and the sheer mystery of what oneness means both now as a single engaged person and what it will mean as a married person.
Now, before I start getting weird comments, no, Steph and I are not experimenting in this area, nor do we intend to. For my part, I'm still getting used to the idea that we can even talk about sex now (see, I even hesitated to write that last sentence), and it'll probably be a long while before I stop getting all nervous and fidgety when the topic comes up.

Anyway, all that to say this: I don't want to wake up next to Stephanie fifteen or twenty years down the road and realize that somewhere along the line I allowed myself to lose the wonder of what it means to be on the journey with another person. Aaron put it right tonight when he said "it's easy to start well. Anyone can do that. Not many can finish well."

Right now, in this moment, I know the kind of relationship I will have with my wife when I'm 84 and she's 82 (on November 8th, 2066), and I want to make the kind of decisions now that will allow that to be possible.

It's cool to be able to dream big dreams and know that they're really possible. I'll have a whole other post later about how this ties into ministry, because these thoughts have been flowing in that direction, too, but for now, I just want it to be in writing that I intend to love my wife, both now and forever, in the best way possible, in the way of Christ and in his power.