wow

I just read something that I really needed to be reminded of. If any of you all here haven't heard of Michael Spencer (also known as The Internet Monk), you really need to stop reading this and go check out his latest post about the whole Ted Haggard scandal. Here is the link. I'll be here when you get back.

He also has an essay called When I am Weak That I just got through reading, and I have tears in my eyes, because I know that he is describing my journey, and beacuse I know how hard living in brokenness and in simple, constant reliance on Christ alone is for me.

I had a conversation with Steph last night where I was able to admit to her that a lot of times this journey is hard for me, and I get bogged down. It's far easier for me to settle for religious ritual rather than a deep relationship with Christ and with people around me. I've got that type-whatever task-orientated-ness about me that makes shoving things under the rug particularly appealing. It's just really difficult to admit it when I'm struggling, when things don't totally make sense, despite the fact that Paul writes clearly in 2 Corinthians that he's been there (And if that isn't enough, there's always Romans 7).
I think part of the Tears journey for me is going to include crying over my own weakness, not out of hopelessness, but in an honest way that helps me to acknowlege the deep truth that there has never been a moment when I was able to stand apart from Jesus. If there is any love for enemies in me, any desire to serve, it is because of Jesus. If I've ever unconditionally loved anyone, it is only because of the power of Christ working in my weakness...

All at once I am floored once again by the awareness of what I've been given by God.

When I sing "Marvelous Light" on stage tonight at FRC, it is only because Christ's righteousness is covering me in this moment, helping me to die to all the darkness in me so that he can resurrect something better.
It ain't about me, praise God. And that's reason enough for me to celebrate.