I'm on my way out, but I just had to post this, because it's so cool!
This blog is being written from somewhere in the ocean. I'm in the middle of nowhere, but I still have wireless internet...man, technology rocks sometimes.
Just so you know, this isn't all frivolous; I had to email Brian the welcome video for this weekend, which we just finished filming. Ha!
2 AM can be a lonely time, I'm realizing...the problem with blogging when you're feeling tired or bummed is that because it's a snapshot of a particular moment, that emotion tends to kind of hold it's place and the experience is artificially drawn out for anyone following the blog (at least until a week goes by and I remember to post again).
This time of night is one of the few times when I'm able to really unpack and examine all of the little tangents my mind hasn't gotten a chance to really mull over due to the schedule I keep; unfortunately, tonight's going to be a bit of a downer. Just giving you fair warning.
You've caught me somewhere between simple melancholy and teen-angst (although it isn't severe enough to have me writing bad poetry. Count your blessings).
I caught Spiderman 3 tonight, and I think I was almost sure I didn't dislike it.
It was okay. Seriously, I really wanted to get enthralled by the plot. I gave it my best shot, honest; however, after having previously watched Tobey get his butt kicked all over the place in the other two movies (along with that one side of Spidey's face mask ripped off- only and always in the final battle. That's a rule), I think I walked into the theater a bit jaded to the whole experience.
(Oooo....Johnny Cash just made it on my play list..."Hurt," if you're curious)
Anyway, on the way home I thought about what that black suit might have represented. I know it's just a movie, but it got me thinking about all the times in the past few weeks where I've really felt like throwing in the towel on being good all the time (well, as good as I can manage to be, that is...). Not to the point of beating people up and making Stephanie cry, mind you, but all the same, there are times when I seriously wonder why I try so hard.
What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know goes away in the end
I probably-no, scratch that, I definitely - don't have the experience under my belt to even begin to know the full depth of that line, but all the same, a part of it resonates with me. That whole acceptance of the simple fact that people let us down. I let them down, and they let me down. Fact of life. And yet, cognitively knowing that still hasn't gotten me to the point where I can take it completely in stride.
I mean, I get tired sometimes. Ministry is tough. Relationships are tough. Not complaining. Just an observation.
And the truth is, there are times when I wonder if it's worth it.
Yeah, I know guys who work at church are supposed to be superhuman and all that, but let's table that for a minute and be real, because sometimes life feels like a raw deal. I'll get a video request seemingly thrown at me at the last minute or put in a 50-hour week and then get asked to completely retool everything I've done, or Steph will unknowingly disappoint me, or
Why do I bother depressing you with this? Because you feel that way, too, and as much as I tend to berate myself internally for responding emotionally to things the way that I do, things like this serve as a reminder that I'm not a the only one who's ever felt unappreciated, taken advantage of, or unloved. And it's important, because left to myself I'll feel like a chump for getting upset over these things.
Probably the hardest phrase I have heard this year was "handle it right." Troy laid that little beauty on us at a staff meeting back in February, and man, it sucks. That little phrase right there firmly puts all of the responsibility for how I interact with the world on me. Someone disappointed me? Handle it right. She hurt me? Handle it right. So much easier said than done, but like Troy said, and I am trying to internalize this, the only person who can keep me from the destiny God has for me is me, and as long as I handle it right, He'll be with me, and I will always be okay.
...and no, I'm not going to end this on a positive note. I'm still working through the frustrations of the day, and besides, I always end on a positive note. You guys can handle my whining for one post.
Tiredness...Sundays wipe me out these days...It's good for me in the midst of the craziness of my life to find pockets of randomness where I can depressurize my life.
This weekend Robert introduced me to Comic Life, and I've been at it since...here's the third page of the book I'm making out of this last vacation...
This is a good moment right here...the end of a Sunday, the checkbook's balanced, my room's quasi-organized (I know where everything is now), I've made my list of things to do tomorrow (don't look at me like that. I'm not that anal. I probably won't get half of it done, anyway), and now I'm putting down this quick blog before me and my glass of blueberry-pomegranate juice go kick it with some reading before I knock out.
And if I sound like an old man, it's only because I'm practicing for marriage ;)
Seriously, though, for someone who spends as much time running full tilt at life as I do, times like these are a rare blessing.
And it just struck me again that I'm graduating on Tuesday. Tuesday! Graduating! Isn't that nuts? After all the delays, set-backs, detours, and near-quits, I'm walking the stage at the Pharmed Arena to shake hands with the dean I've spoken to once and the President I've never met of the university I'm not quite sure I totally disliked.
Six years. Sheesh...
When I think about it, it really isn't that long of a time, especially in comparison to-Lord willing- everything else I've got coming (I plan to live to be 120 at least). I think what makes it seem so huge is the sheer amount of life I managed to pack into those years.
More first times than I can bother counting right now, some good, and some I'll just say that I learned from :).
Lots of laughs. Many, many very stupid stunts that were definitely good ideas at the time (quarter stick of dynamite under a trash can in the backyard at FSU, anyone?). Lots of tears. A lot of wondering when I would finally meet Stephanie.
I could probably go on for a while, but I'll spare you the litany for now. What's really neat is being able to look back and see all the places where time and time again what seemed like unconnected and at times very painful coincidences were divinely knit together in a way that propelled me towards something better.
Times like these are a cool reminder for me of the really important things.
Okay, time to go read. Peace!
Hey gang! Long time no see!
I apologize for the recent lack of posting; I chalk it up to being partially swamped, partially uninspired, and partially distracted (read: lazy).
I'm going to try to get back in the saddle this week or next. For now, feel free to check out the video we showed at FRC this weekend to promo next weekend. Notice the stunning brunette in the second scene...;)
So my sister and Dustin are officially married, off on their honeymoon...what a wild thought; I remember our Middle School days when I used to embarrass her by obnoxiously pointing at boys she thought was cute ("oh, which one, sis? THAT one? Ow! Why'd you hit me??").
My, how time flies. Like Stephanie even said today, we've been engaged for four months already and it feels like I proposed yesterday. I strongly suspect that once we're both graduated in May and the actual nuts and bolts of the wedding planning begins that things will only accelerate even more.
Hmm...1 o'clock already. I guess I should get on with things so I can get some sleep before Easter Week officially kicks off for me tomorrow.
So anyway, back to Milena's wedding. In hindsight, I am struck firstly by how much everyone seemed to enjoy the event, despite the occasional lapses in certain areas I was sure would cause certain members of my family to completely flip out. As far as those go, Steph and I spent a good deal of time on the drive back to her house critiquing the things that needed to be critique and making notes of what we liked and what we would avoid (such as photographers who show up an hour and half late and forget to photograph half of the family, for starters), and what would could improve on. However, minor critiques aside, and independent of what anyone else might think or say, it has to be noted that my sister and Dustin had the time of their lives, and I know they'll be remembering the day fondly for the rest of their lives.
Despite all the headaches that cropped up in the days leading up to and even during Milena's nuptials (being a groomsman and the audio director and the video guy all at the same time is grueling work), I've still got to admit that I love weddings.
The symbolism and the sacredness of the ceremony, all the different layers and meaning behind everything done and said, fill me with a wonder that I can meditate on for hours and not get tired of. I love the fact that a span of time can be so packed with significance, so well leveraged and weighty. It's such a neat counter to the myriad influences in the culture around me that so often pull me towards the superficial.
Rob Bell once did a speaking tour which had for its title "Everything is Spiritual." I never got to hear the talk, but that tagline has been burning holes in my lobes for months since I first heard it. It's a phrase that brings more and more delight to me the more I think about it, and I think the reason it does is because I believe that everything is. Let me point to the opposite of that to illustrate what I mean.
Sometimes, when we don't want to think too deeply about why we did some action, we use the phrase "for the hell of it" to provide a reason for it. Think about this for a minute. What are we really saying? If that's true, if the reality is that there's really no reason or higher purpose behind what we were doing, then what we did was a complete waste of time, and we don't get time back once we've spent it.
I'm not arguing against youthful spontaneity or a simplicity that brings joy; the benefits of those things are obvious, but what do I think is a little sad is when I allow myself to think that the time I spend has no real significance, and in doing so, I miss the chance to enjoy a moment I'm never going to get back. The fact is (and I've said this before), I'm becoming the man I'm going to be for the rest of my life. On my wedding day, nothing is essentially going to change about me. For the most part, I will be the result of the choices I've made up that point. Scary thought, isn't it?
So here's why I love weddings: everything matters in a wedding. There's symbolism everywhere, if you're willing to look for it. The unity candle (or sand). The placement of the officiant in relation to the bride and groom. The wedding ring. These things point to something deeper, and I enjoy it because it's a reminder to me that the time I spend matters beyond this moment.
It's the reason Steph and I couldn't keep our eyes off each other as we stood across the aisle during the ceremony, knowing what it meant for Dustin and my sister and knowing what it will mean for us one day. Everything is spiritual. It's a phrase that reminds me that there is beauty in the mundane, and I'm glad for it, because I tend to forget that it's not all there for the hell of it. ;)
In case you're wondering where I've been, here's a quick rundown before I pass out for a quick Sunday nap...
Today: helped lead worship @ Flamingo & sang a neat little Lenny Kravitz tune. Brian taught on obedience. (The video team was all over the place this weekend! Word!)
Yesterday: My little sister's wedding. I was the audio/video guy and a groomsman...so actually that day actually started days before the ceremony when I started putting together the slideshow for my sister and her then-future husband...there's a whole lot more to tell, but that'll come later.
Friday: finished two videos, & went to the wedding rehearsal/dinner...stayed up way too late in order to finish the slideshow
Last week: videos, videos, videos
Last Sunday: filled in for the worship paster at the Hallandale Campus.
The week before that: the aforementioned vacation.
So, it's been a very eventful past few days, and while it's true that there were times that things seemed to be getting out of hand with the amount of hats I had to swap around in order to keep all the plates spinning (metaphorically speaking), I did find several well-spent quiet pockets of time here and there to unwind and reflect and basically keep myself from turning into a human DOing rather than a human BEing (it's funny how much discipline spending time in quietness requires of me. Or maybe it's sad. Or an odd mixture of both).
That said, I'm outta here!
My mission is to be asleep before midnight tonight (a worthy goal, you must agree), so this will be quick.
Tallahassee rocked completely...I'd forgotten what it felt like to wake up after 11 am and spend half a say watching reruns, and it was everything I had hoped it would be...I'm actually getting a little misty as I think about it now. Moving on...
My little sister is getting married this Saturday, which still gives me pause, because it feels like yesterday we were 12...I could write a whole long post reflecting on how nice it would be if I were getting married this Saturday, too, but I think my energies are better spent enjoying the journey :)
Uh-oh. 11:59. I must fulfill my vow! I'll finish this later. Peace!
Hooray for vacations! It's day one in a much-needed spring break in Tallahassee with my friend Jaime and his brothers. Why Tallahassee, you ask? Well, it's familiar enough that I know the place, but foreign enough that I don't have to worry about being tempted to work while I'm here. It also helps that I get to spend time with one of the funnest group of guys I've ever hung out with.
We're on hiatus & trying to figure out what to do next, so we started messing with everyoe's favorite mac program, photo booth. Here are some of our favorite results:
I'll post pics of Something Interesting if it happens.
Peace!
I'm the kind of person who tends to get really annoyed inside whenever I hear the words, "just wait until you're older, then you're going to _____," especially if the blank in question involves some kind of negative downturn my character or a feeling about some issue is supposed to take in x number of years.
I sense a lot of this in discussions I've had about marriage, as well as in my own personal observations of where certain couples I've met are in their relationships. I do have to be honest and add the caveat that the latter probably results more from my tendency to over-analyze everything rather than any overt displays on their part.
Still, I sometimes look at the lives of people around me and I think to myself, is this what they envisioned and hoped for themselves when they pictured this stage of their life from my shoes?
Sometimes I think they would answer a yes, or even a maybe, but a lot of times, I think the answer would be no, and this makes me a little sad.
Aaron and I had a pretty long discussion about marriage and sex tonight, and I found myself at one point lamenting at the impression I get that for a lot of guys who are married, sex becomes something that divides rather than unifies. I get the sense that we as a culture have boiled the whole thing down to pretty much just a physical release that we barter and perform for and in the process lose the wonder and the phenomenal mystery that comes with the idea of two people becoming one. The wonder and mystery part is something that I'm glad is very scriptural, because I feel it deep in my core that what Stephanie and I are building together and working towards is a holy thing. Having a deep conviction is a whole lot more fun when it's built on something solid.
As I look around, though, it's a bit saddening to see how cheapened and jaded this idea has become. I'm no researcher, and I could be 100% wrong about the state of marital unity in that area in our culture, but regardless of what the numbers were, the important thing for me was the conviction I feel from my core about this area of our relationship, and that is this: I do not under any circumstances want to lose the wonder and the preciousness and the sheer mystery of what oneness means both now as a single engaged person and what it will mean as a married person.
Now, before I start getting weird comments, no, Steph and I are not experimenting in this area, nor do we intend to. For my part, I'm still getting used to the idea that we can even talk about sex now (see, I even hesitated to write that last sentence), and it'll probably be a long while before I stop getting all nervous and fidgety when the topic comes up.
Anyway, all that to say this: I don't want to wake up next to Stephanie fifteen or twenty years down the road and realize that somewhere along the line I allowed myself to lose the wonder of what it means to be on the journey with another person. Aaron put it right tonight when he said "it's easy to start well. Anyone can do that. Not many can finish well."
Right now, in this moment, I know the kind of relationship I will have with my wife when I'm 84 and she's 82 (on November 8th, 2066), and I want to make the kind of decisions now that will allow that to be possible.
It's cool to be able to dream big dreams and know that they're really possible. I'll have a whole other post later about how this ties into ministry, because these thoughts have been flowing in that direction, too, but for now, I just want it to be in writing that I intend to love my wife, both now and forever, in the best way possible, in the way of Christ and in his power.
Hey gang,
Another fine work day has come to an end. Now begins all the other little to-dos that are right now lurking about waiting for me to get home. That being said, I figured I'd better put some type down now before I get home, because otherwise, you may not hear from me until well past Friday.
Updates, updates!
My .mac membership will automatically expire in less than 15 days if I don't cancel it. I kinda want to keep it, but $105 is way too much to pay for what for me right now is basically a neat-looking email service. I was thinking about hosting Steph and I's wedding site there whenever I got around to learning how too use iWeb, but with my recent acquisition of Dreamweaver I may just try to find somewhere that'll rent me some space on the web and pay 20 bucks to keep the page online (assuming that I find some of that elusive "free time" people keep on telling me about).
So, one day there will be a nifty little link to your right pointing you to what will surely be a "aww"-inspiring wedding page (you can groan now).
The moral of the story? After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that $105 is quite frankly an utterly ridiculous amount of money to pay for an email account, even if it is from Apple. You're better off saving your money to get an iPhone.
Next thing. I'm moving! I am currently moving out of my mom's house and into the apartment where, Lord willing, my future bride and I will make our home. Word!
And I just finished painting the kitchen and it looks flippin' awesome. Word!
And I plan on installing some more light fixtures and learning how to do crown molding and practicing basically how to show Stephanie that I'm one of those useful-around-the-house kind of guys, not one of the those other guys who hire guys (like who I will be) who are useful around the house and make the other guys (the aforementioned hire-ers) wish they were. Yeah. Rockin' stuff, I know.
All that said, I'm off to go eat some food and move more of my junk. ¡Hasta Luego!
Hey, our lead pastor's birthday is today! How about that?
There are much funnier and more eloquent tributes to this special day here, here, and especially here, but I will add my favorite memory of when I first started working with Troy, which was that one time he was teaching during one of our "Vintage" services when he was raving about how great Cuban food was, especially those "planteens."
Shout out to all the great additions to my vocabulary I've enjoyed since joining the staff at FRC, such as "surrenderance" and "reenvisionating." Use one today!
Happy Thursday, everybody.
So far, so good; the weekend videos are coming along (stuff is rendering as I type this); Steph's got her second midterm today, which she's going to kick butt in; and Lent started yesterday, which in recent years I've started observing in my own life as a way of adding a bit more focus and intention to the days following Easter. It's really a kind of a beautiful tradition, if you're the kind of person that can separate themselves from a lot of the religious hang-ups associated with a liturgical season like Lent.
For our part, Steph and I decided to take advantage of the season on our own, putting into place a few small, but meaningful disciplines designed to point our hearts more towards Calvary than we probably otherwise would be on our own.
Last night we got to check out a really good restaurant over by A1A and the beach at the Lincoln Road Mall called Santo's along with some of her superiors from work. I think I may have had the best steak I've ever tasted, which made me glad considering the entrées were about 30 bucks a plate (yeah, it was that kind of a dinner). Obviously not a regular stop-in for a guy on a church salary, but as we drove home I couldn't help but be impressed that I'm marrying a person who can so easily blend in with so many different types of people.
Steph and I can enjoy ourselves just about anywhere, whether it's at Quizno's splitting a sub because we're short on cash, or networking with people who can actually afford to eat regularly at a place like Santo's. That's just neat to me. It says a lot about her strength of character and maturity that she gets invited to dinners like the one we enjoyed last night (and of course, I'm pretty glad that she's not embarrassed to bring me along, either).
My fiancé rocks!
Updates are coming...I promise...
For now, some quickies. Event-wise:
-Brian was out of town, so I was in the saddle for a whole week, working my heiney off (bet you didn't know how to spell that, huh?)
-Played guitar instead of saxophone this weekend. It was pretty sweet, especially on Holy is the Lord. I was like a brown Chris Tomlin.
-Stephanie has two big hairy midterms this week, so pray for her. Not that I'm worried about it, though; I've been helping her study for the last three days and she knows her stuff.
-Had Sunday dinner with some of my family for the first time since the last time (which was a while ago).
There. That should do for the moment. Once again, many apologies for being lame.
In depth socio-political introspection coming soon.
I know, it's been almost ten days since I last posted, and yes, this is just going to be one of those lame quick apology and mini-update posts, but that just goes to show you how crazy busy I've been.
However, I've got a couple of pretty render-intensive projects I'm outputting today, so I should get the chance a little later on to update you on the latests happenings. I'm looking forward to it, too, because the past few days have been really neat and full of plenty of good blog-fodder (hah! I think I made up a new phrase. You heard it here first, folks)
Have a scrumptulescent day!
During my travels my travels today I came across a neat little article on NPR that has had me thinking all day. Earlier this week thinkchristian.net put out a link to the Top 5 Consumer Trends for 2007, which was both pretty neat and a little alarming, as it looks like American society is going to continue moving towards the shallow and superficial...sad, but not altogether surprising.
As I was saying, though, I was listening to the NPR report in my car and thinking about that consumer report, and it suddenly occurred to me that I actually have a decent grasp of the business world. It probably sounds dumb, but I just generally don't think of myself as having any kind of a bent towards the world of commerce, and that's mainly because I associate that with Cubicle World, and the thought of spending all day in a cubicle gives me the hives; however, it's also true that most of my time now is spent at a desk in front of a screen editing video, and I don't usually whine about that (unless it's Friday and I've been editing the same video for three days straight and am ready to poke myself in the eye or something, but that probably says more about me than about my job, anyway. My job is flippin' awesome). The thing is, I think that I could grasp it. I look over Stephanie's shoulder sometimes as she's studying, and I'm sometimes shocked that it's not as scary as I used to think it should be. I got to thinking that maybe my almost subconscious misgivings about entrepreneurship had less to do with lack of ability and more to do with a faulty paradigm I might have wandered into.
Along with all of that, I also remembered how Don Miller writes in To Own a Dragon that he will try to audit classes at universities just to stay sharp, because the brain is a muscle and needs to be exercised. In kind of the same vein, reaching our God potential is part of the reason we do ministry at FRC (helping other people reach theirs is the other side of that).
All those lines of thought coalesced into one weird thought (for me) tonight as I was sitting in Kyle's dorm after my Phi Mu Alpha meeting.
"Maybe I'll go back to school after I graduate"
Yeah, I know. I'm the guy who hates sitting in classrooms. And it's true that most of my college education felt like a waste of time (especially that last two-and-a-half years), and yes, I did give one of my professors that look when he suggested that graduate school was something that would fit me, but I dunno...after tonight the thought seems a whole lot less distasteful than it did before (and Stephanie liked the idea, so if it gets future-wife approval, I guess it can't be all that bad). In any case, I've got plenty of time to pray and mull it over.
Who knows? Maybe I'll get that master's degree after all...
You know, you would be amazed to know how tricky it is to find tattoo artwork that isn't grossly inappropriate for a church video...
anyway, there's my short break to give my brain a rest from being creative...back to the drawing board...
At last!
I've finished it!
After three days of nearly nonstop editing, I've finally knocked out this weekend's feature tune video.
"W00t" does not even begin to describe my relief.
Brian and I put this one together with lots of blood, sweat, and tears (well, maybe just tears), so as you can imagine I am beyond pumped to see this puppy get aired, especially since for this weekend we set up a...well, you'll just have to make it out this weekend to check it out.
And now I am off to go reward myself with a Quizno's sub for my efforts.
Rock strong, kids.
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