Update

Wow. Almost a week since my last post. Sorry about that.

Nothing new to report, really. This week has mostly been spent trying to recover from the Christmas service-athon last week (which was wonderful, but very very tiring).

I'm in the process for putting together some spots for the weekend service, and spending time with Steph & the families when I can, so all in all, the last few days of 2006 are pretty calm for now, which is a welcome change. We'll see how it goes between now and New Year's.

Alrighty, my junk is done rendering. Back to work!

HD Capture

Ah, the times, they are a-changin'.

For starters, I have half a day to myself, which for the past few months has been virtually unheard of. I'm actually having a very tough time disciplining myself to just be and enjoy a single afternoon of free time, which I guess speaks volumes about my proclivity towards workaholism.

Also, Thursday I checked my grades for the semester, and to my absolute delight, I passed everything with all A's and a B+ in orchestration. And I managed to do it without yanking out any of my hair or kicking any small animals in frustration.

So, that's the quick n' messy update for what's been going on in my life these days. Now that things have calmed down a bit, I'm sure I'll be posting more words and posting them more frequently. For now, though, I really really want to talk about how Kyle and I spent last Saturday night.

Kyle and I have been spending the past few Saturday nights staying up all hours cutting together and rendering the High Definition signal for our other campuses, which, on a good night, can take up to 4 hours.
Basically, it means combining the stream from our standard def cameras (which is the same thing you see on the side screens when you visit FRC's main campus) with the stream from the single HD camera we've got locked down in order to give the front-view impression of a live teaching service when you watch it at one of our other campuses.

All this means that we have lots of free time while the footage is rendering, and last Saturday we discovered the wonders of this nifty little program called Photo Booth on one of the MacBooks they keep up in the production room. Hilarity ensued.

extreme excuses

Many apologies fro the extreme lack of posting. In the last two weeks I've been in Arkansas, have been finishing school (I had my last final Thursday), planning and executing video shoots and editing oodles of footage (Brian was out of town last week, so I was the guy), and also, let's not forget that I work at a church, which means that Christmas is a little nuts anyway.
There is just one last hurdle and after that I think that things will settle down a bit, and that is our annual Christmas services (semantic pondering of the day: it would be a little strange if they weren't annual. Could you imagine?)
The equation looks kinda like this:

9 videos + 2 video guys + 3 days to do them all = no sleep.
Or the taking of hostages, whichever Brian and I decide come Wednesday afternoon.

bring it on.

Hmmm

It really is Wednesday, isn't it?

hmmm...that's the third time today that I forgot what day it is. I should probably get more sleep.

...Anywho, I finished a final yesterday (94%, yeah baby!) and found out today that my lowest quiz grade in my evo of jazz won't count anymore (that will nicely cover that one that I accidentally missed the deadline on). Just one more final: Orchestration.

All that stands between me and the end of my coursework is the ranges of most of the orchestra, extended techniques for about 20 instruments, score analysis, and a bunch of other orchstra-related things that I covered in tests 1 thru 3.

Bring it on.

Almost there...

Epilogue:

My senior recital was off the hook, my friends. Off. The. Hook.
If you weren't there, be sure to take a moment and hang your head in shame, because as I mentioned before, it was (all together now) off. The. Hook.
Seriously, write down every synonym you can think of for "stupendously awesome," (I don't care that those are actually two words, not one) and blend them into a verbal smoothie of "rock my face off"-ness, and it'll come pretty darn close to the euphoria I am feeling because a) I survived this week with my sanity intact (by the grace of Almighty God), and b) my recital is over and it rocked!
And with that, the most grueling part of my semester comes to a close. I am now only two finals away from finishing all of the coursework required in order to aquire a Bachelor's Degree in Wind Performance from the grubby mitts of the Florida International University.

I'm sure once I have time (time? what is this time of which you speak?), I'll get into the nitty gritty of the experience and write a nice award-wining post about how nice it feels to finally be done and ready to move into the next stage of life, and get all philosophical about the importance of accomplishment, of finishing what you started; and maybe I'll use some fancy vocabulary words so you guys can know I read stuff (ah, the thrill of irony...as I laugh at my own stupid jokes); and maybe it'll be this amazingly bittersweet coming-of-age kind of a mini-memior that my mom will read and cry. Maybe.

Or maybe I'll just finish this post right now because I'm tired and holy cow, it feels so great to finally be done with my senior-flippin'-recital! Ha!

I'm not done yet, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and, Lord willing, it won't turn out to be an oncoming train.

PS: I love Stephanie like a fat kid loves cake.

By the way....

...so if you're not doing anything this Sunday night, I'll see you there!

Quickie

*This is just a quick update on my blogging status: I was out of town for most of last week due to Thanksgiving, and this week I probably won't have time to blog at all since this is probably going to be the most intense week of the semester; I've got two quizzes, a major test, a final orchestration project, a senior recital, an on location shoot, and a ton of video editing to do, all in the same week. Please bear with me.*

PS: The good news in all of this is that I have an amazing girlfriend and an amazing possibly-future-family-in-law that I love with all of my heart, as well as an amazing group of people I work with who I also love with all of my heart, and a slightly dysfunctional family that I love with all of my heart. Also, I play saxophone, which makes me happy. Okay, I'm off to go sleep now. Peace be with you.

PPS: It's after Thanksgiving! Bring on the Christmas music!

PPPS: BTW, I have a Starbucks gig in Doral this Friday night. Call me if you want to drink free coffee and hear some live jazz music.

People Matter

I was reminded tonight of a very important truth:

You can't treat people like they don't matter, because they do.

It's a pity that it took someone else making me feel an inch high for me to realize that I don't want to ever take out my frustrations on people I care about, but like Troy says, people are motivated by pleasure and pain, and for my sake I'm glad that I'm starting to "get it," pain or not.

Steph and I spent some time talking about this, and we both decided that is one thing we definitely don't want to carry into our adulthood. It really did (and still does) mean a great deal to me that she was willing to walk with me through this, and that at the end of it, we were able to decide how we were and were not going to treat each other and the people around us.
So much of my behavior is habitual, and I'm not so sure that all of it is noble...
I'm reminded that every day we are becoming the people we are going to be for the rest of our lives, that I am deciding right now the kind of 30-year old, 40-year old, 50 year-old man I'm going to be. The fact that Stephanie is the kind of person who is willing to deeply wrestle with this alongside of me says a whole lot about her, and reminds me that I am truly blessed among men to be courting such an amazing woman. "Lily among thorns" is the appropriate term here, methinks.

Just when you thought you'd seen everything

The talking Jesus doll. I can't believe someone actually put together funds to produce this thing. And not just one of them, either; there are at least 4,000 of these dolls in existence. I am not making this up. Here is the article.
There are times when Christian sub-culture just mystifies me. Of all the things we could be spending money on (the blood:water mission, World Vision, International Justice Mission, etc.), we instead spend it on half-baked junk that only Christians will buy and that ensure that everyone else thinks we're a bunch of wackos.
As a side note, I also think it's kind of funny that the marines wouldn't take the dolls. To tell the truth, their reasoning makes sense to me in a way, but it all seems a bit too PC for me. If the toys are being given for free as part of a charity that obviously doesn't promote one religion over another, then I don't see how a talking Jesus doll could've caused them trouble.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to when the Mohammed doll comes out.

Holy Cow

It's already November 12!
That means that Thanksgiving weekend is only a week and a half away! How did this happen??

...that also means that in less than a month I will be graduated!...beautiful...

..okay, I'm off to write a paper for music app and then possibly another one for Jazz Evo if I finish in time. Peace!

Prayer Vigilantes

Well, I just got back from helping out at the 24-hour prayer vigil we're doing at church. Man, if you haven't gone and you're in the area, you really need to go (and if you're out of town, you have until 7 PM tonight to get here). It has been a really amazing experience so far. Ricky and I got some guys together to lead worship for the 11 to midnight and the midnight to 1 AM shift. Nothing too fancy. Christian was on bass, Igor took the djimbe, Liz singing, Ricky on keys and vocals and me singing and playing acoutsic guitar, so it was a neat little quasi-unplugged set.

The remarkable thing for me was the almost instant development of community among the people there. For a lot of the folks, it was their first time at a prayer vigil, and you saw the wide-eyed looks on their faces when they realized how cool it is that at a church the size of ours, a small group of people can come together and connect in worship and prayer so deeply. There was a really neat sense of awe about the whole proceedings; I think for a lot of the people there, communion took on a whole new meaning. People were crying real tears, I mean really crying out to God, and it was like we all came to this deep realization that, yeah, this thing is for real, and God is really here, and he's way different than anything we've ever known.

It was beautiful and free and was long where it needed to be long and short where it needed to be short (which also means that Paolo was back in the booth yanking his hair out as he was trying to keep up with us on the slides), and I really think God was honored, because we were all reminded that the journey we're on isn't just about us anymore; it's about the God who is madly in love with the community we live in and for some reason wants a bunch of screwed up orphans like us to join him.

sigh...I love my church.

wow

I just read something that I really needed to be reminded of. If any of you all here haven't heard of Michael Spencer (also known as The Internet Monk), you really need to stop reading this and go check out his latest post about the whole Ted Haggard scandal. Here is the link. I'll be here when you get back.

He also has an essay called When I am Weak That I just got through reading, and I have tears in my eyes, because I know that he is describing my journey, and beacuse I know how hard living in brokenness and in simple, constant reliance on Christ alone is for me.

I had a conversation with Steph last night where I was able to admit to her that a lot of times this journey is hard for me, and I get bogged down. It's far easier for me to settle for religious ritual rather than a deep relationship with Christ and with people around me. I've got that type-whatever task-orientated-ness about me that makes shoving things under the rug particularly appealing. It's just really difficult to admit it when I'm struggling, when things don't totally make sense, despite the fact that Paul writes clearly in 2 Corinthians that he's been there (And if that isn't enough, there's always Romans 7).
I think part of the Tears journey for me is going to include crying over my own weakness, not out of hopelessness, but in an honest way that helps me to acknowlege the deep truth that there has never been a moment when I was able to stand apart from Jesus. If there is any love for enemies in me, any desire to serve, it is because of Jesus. If I've ever unconditionally loved anyone, it is only because of the power of Christ working in my weakness...

All at once I am floored once again by the awareness of what I've been given by God.

When I sing "Marvelous Light" on stage tonight at FRC, it is only because Christ's righteousness is covering me in this moment, helping me to die to all the darkness in me so that he can resurrect something better.
It ain't about me, praise God. And that's reason enough for me to celebrate.

Viernes

Thought of the night:
It's always a good evening when you have time to play your guitar
(even if it's only while your videos are rendering)

Post Trunk or Treat thoughts

Ah, Trunk or Treat 2006 has come to a close. I was at our Doral campus, and man, you wouldn't have thought that it was only the first year we'd done it. From the comments I overheard from a bunch of the people there, I'm definitely anticipating that the event will at least double in size next year. Seriously, it was as much of a success as if possibly could have been, I think (and since I was running around the whole time either with a video camera or a saxophone, I'm pretty sure I know whereof I speak). A squad of firemen even showed up with one of their huge trucks, lights flashing and everything. Also, they were selling arepas, which is always a good thing.
Other reasons for why it went so well include:
- Kyle Johnson and Mark Varca, the dynamic duo, were running sound for our band, so we ended up sounding way better than we probably should have.
- I overheard one guy talking about how he was hearing about our church all over the place. "They're everywhere" was his exact phrase. (Beware. Wherever you are in South Florida, unsuspecting non-church-goer, FRC will find you and show you love. Muahahahah!)
- I didn't have to man my trunk (thanks, mom!)
- It didn't rain (this one bears repeating)
- it didn't rain
- Lots of people came who'd never heard of Flamingo and learned that we're not a bunch of weirdos (although there was that one pickup truck decorated as a very, very large Bible "turned" to John 3:16...just kidding)
-I got another FRC Staff T-shirt to add to my growing collection

So yeah, it was definite success. However, between filming, playing saxophone, and the hour and a half of practice time in put it after all was said and done, I'm about ready to keel over, so before that happens, I'm signing off. Goodnight, kids.

All Hail!

I'm almost positive that I've never mentioned this before, but I am currently the Fraternity Education Officer (Feo for short- yes, that means "ugly" in spanish) for the Florida Epsilon colony of Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia at the Florida International University.

I mention this only to give a bit of context to the neat things that are going on there. Speaking of context, I should probably also mention that Sinfonia isn't like any fraternity you've ever heard of (your eyebrows can come down now). Forget everything you ever saw in Animal House (which you probably shouldn't be watching anyway). This organization was founded to build better men.

That being said, there are times when I forget how long I've been in college (oh, wait, now I remember. For about quarter of my life now). This past weekend we had a brotherhood retreat, where we basically spent a huge chunk of time together at school doing fraternal things and spent the night. The neat thing about all that were the ties that our group of guys - a gender typically a bit challenged when it comes to the whole "going deep below the surface" kind of thing - were able to establish. I think one of the neatest things for me that night was getting to observe these guys get a glimpse into each other's lives and realize that there's more to their own than they thought.
I'm not trying to be super-philosophical here; I just find it kind of neat that I'm helping to shape the lives of younger guys. And you should hear them sing, too. My word, I've never met a group that enjoys song rehearsals so much. If I ever figure out how to, I'll have to post a recording of our last rehearsal.

Rumors...

I found out yesterday that there are rumors flying around Homestead that Stephanie Sanchez is engaged. Steph and I talked about this and both agree that we need to get to the bottom of this and figure out who she's engaged to, because obviously, whoever that person is would probably be a little annoyed to discover that she has been in a courtship with me for the past nine months.
If anybody has any news about this, it would be very appreciated.

Sundays

Man, I love Sunday afternoons.

I usually try to make it a point to schedule some time during the week when I can take time out to just be, and do. It helps me to remember that my life does not consists of just doing.
It feels especially good coming off of a weekend like the one we just had at Flamingo. Now that I think about it, wow. We are far from perfect, but, man, God is using us. He's doing some great things, and for some reason we get to be a part of that.
I sometimes forget to allow myself to really marvel at the facts before my eyes on a weekly basis, but I really need to.
I tend to be very task-orientated in my approach to life, and sometimes I get so lost in my little saxophonic world of notes and lyricism when I'm on stage that I let important epiphanies glide right past me. People met Jesus this weekend. They passed from death to life. How cool is that?

I think if there's one thing I don't like about the pace of my life (and I could probably say the same thing about the work ethic of Western culture in general), it's the hurriedness that tends to drag me away from the now and tempts me to blow past moments like the ones I experienced this weekend. Case in point: there'll be time to train for my recital later (I'm in good shape for it, just do you know I'm not being a slacker or anything. Right now ,though, I want to live in the moment.

Finito!

Woohoo!!!
The Big Video of the weekend (I can't say it's real title or I will be severely punished) is finally finished! B roll, audio, all of it! I am so proud.

It's a good feeling to know that you finished something and did it well. I may buy myself some Coldstone ice cream later on.

I love this song

Tonight I got to check out Fellowship Church's Miami campus, and I was pretty impressed and encouraged at the thought that they were doing that kind of ministry down here. It also got me stoked, because video-wise, Brian and I could most definitely produce at the level these guys are kicking out. It's exciting because it tells me that what I'm learning is the real deal, that this an area that God's given us the ability to excell in for some reason. We just need to find more guys to do it with us (any volunteers?).

While I was there, I also discovered my new favorite song. This one is making it into my wedding. The lyrics alone don't do it justice, but I'll post them anyway. The song is Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol.
The topic of the evening was sex, specifically, how our culture, by and large, has taken such a beautiful concept and cheapened it to the point where it's little more than a scratch for an itch. Ed talked about how God's plan takes sex and makes is sacred again, makes it beautiful, and makes it worth waiting for. I mention it because the band performed the song over a video that featured pictures of married couples, starting with newlyweds, and moving on up to older couples married for over 40 years. To be honest, I found myself getting a little misty as the song went on, because the lyrics so perfectly expressed the hope that is in my heart when I'm around Stephanie.

To be in a courtship where purity is treasured out of deep love and not dead legalism is a blessing I can't even begin to describe, and one day I'll put down a proper post describing all the beautiful things I'm learning from waiting with Steph. For now, though, enjoy the lyrics.

We'll do it all / Everything / On our own
We don't need / Anything / Or anyone
If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know / How to say / How I feel
Those three words / Are said too much / They're not enough
If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told / Before we get too old / Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time / Chasing cars / Around our heads
I need your grace / To remind me / To find my own
If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told / Before we get too old / Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am / All that I ever was / Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where / Confused about how as well / Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Saturday Slice

You know, it amazes me how much living can be packed into a day. I feel like it's been a week since I last posted.
Thursday night was pretty sweet. Thanks to my Aunt, who seems to know just about everyone over at the Hard Rock Casino down the street, I scored some really great seats at the Gilberto Santa Rosa and El Gran Combo concert. Amazingly enough, the only person I was able to go with me was Ricky Garcia (who shares space with me in the stage left projector room over at FRC - also known as The Bat Cave to insiders), so we got dressed up nice, pinky swore each other that we wouldn't pick up too many girls (just kidding), and went to the show.


As we walked to our seats to find our section, I started wondering if maybe my Aunt knew someone in the Mafia, as the seats were right up front near the stage in the level just above the floor (I could have probably thrown my shoe and pegged Gilberto in the side of the head. That's how close we were). Anyway, I think security got the raw end of the deal that night. The room was packed with a ton of Puerto Ricans. The band did the typical latin thing and did a country roll call, which Hispanics just love (We're a very nationalistic people, you know). By round of applause, I would say that I was one of pretty small group of Colombians in the arena, although we beat out the Nicaraguans and the Panamanians (take that!). Of course, the Puerto Ricans were out in full force, complete with flags. Anyway, the bad part about all that for security was that they spent a big chunk of their time trying to get people to stop dancing in the aisles and in general causing fire hazards all over the place, to which I was laughing at because, honestly, how are you going to keep a crowd of people who came out to see a dance band from dancing. I mean, once El Gran Combo started playing Brujeria, it was all over.
So yeah, it was a fun show overall. I think the neatest thing, though, was the range of ages I saw as I looked around the room. I don't know many bands that are still playing that can pack out an arena with songs they have been playing for over thiry years. I watched people my age singing and dancing to this music that people from their parents' generation just down the row were dancing to, too.
Ricky and I were talking about it afterwards, and we realized what a special thing that is. In an age where our culture is obsessed with the newest thing, it's nice to see something traditional that crosses generational boundaries that way. This is one of the things I love the most about my heritage.
¡Que siguen los latinos!

Graduation

Happy Thursday, kids!

Another day came and went. Beautiful.
One of the great things about the passage of time is that it does pass. I'm another 24-hours closer to graduation and the close of the current chapter of life that I'm in. Not to say that I'm not enjoying the ride (I think we established that I am going to resist whining on my blog a few posts back), but I am very very very eager finally to be free to directly leverage everything I've got in one direction, and to explore this adulthood a lot of guys in my generation seem to have missed, or at least postponed.
(speaking of which, one day soon I will take a nice leisurely stroll down tangent lane with some speculation as to why it is so many of us are living in these weird adultescent time warps - complete with nifty examples - but that's a topic for another post.)

So yeah, time passes.

Sweet!

Ha! I found these pictures from my birthday two years ago. Hat tip to Eric Mesa for the great memories. Much love, my brotha!

After all's said and done

It's quiet now. Everyone's been gone for a few hours, and it's just me and my thoughts now, with 100 portraits and waterdeep as the soundtrack for the moment.

Words don't really do justice to the night I've had, to the joy and the wonder at the quality of people I am privileged to have around me. It's a beautiful thing.

I saved Stephanie's card for last, of course. I'm glad that I did; the last thing on my mind before I close my eyes tonight will be gratitude for the abundant grace of God that allowed such a person to be a part of my life. She reminded me of words that I spoke once, whose weight I'm feeling especially in this moment. I'm going to be 24 one time only. These 365 days are vintage, the only one of their kind. There's a certain kind of man that I want to be, and it's going to require living this year like I mean to get there. I'll only live once, after all. May as well do it right the first time.
Praise God for a woman who points me towards the cross, who reminds me of what (and Who) it's all for. These are beautiful days.

my eyes are small, but they have seen the beauty of enormous things
which leads me to believe, there's light enough to see that
You make everything glorious
and I am yours
What does that make me?

PS :This is my shocked face (my familie(s) bought me a flat screen moniter! Holy cow!)

Friday

As of today, I am no longer the 23-year-old kid you knew before. I am now a 24-year-old man, complete with my own shiny new tax bracket on my IRS forms. Go me!

Monetary gifts are appeciated and accepted. Checks can be made out to the "Mauricio's Food/Rent/Gas/Saxophone Supplies Fund."

And thanks for all the phone calls. You all rock. I'll see most of you tonight at the chocolate fountain, I'm sure.

Godspeed!

-M

Tiredness...

Well, it's barely October, and I'm already feeling the squeeze of trying to carve out a meaningful life in the midst of the seemingly unending list of things there are for me to do before December. I think the hardest part is that it all seems so necessary sometimes; not in the eternal sense, but in the weight of its urgency.

School is most definitely the thing I could do without most of the time. It's not that I hate the place (although at this point, I'm beyond frustrated with the hoops I've had to jump through to get a degree from these people), it's just that I find it incredible that of all the things I could be doing with my life right now, I am there, getting a degree so that other people can look at a piece of paper on my wall and esteem my worth more favorably than they would've if they thought I'd dropped out. Wonderful.

I'm telling myself that it will be worth it, and Lord knows there's more than likely a good measure of faithfulness being built into my character by the waiting I'm having to do. I know that God doesn't waste a hurt, and I'll never be able to look back and find time he couldn't use for a greater purpose than this, but dangit, I tire of it sometimes.

So I find in myself a conflict.
I want to whine. I really want to. But there are a few things I need to consider. For instance, I know that:
a) God can redeem all the moments I live in, even when I want to be living somewhere else instead.
b) There are no other Flamingo Road Church staff members who are in the school of music, therefore, I have a measure of influence in a place where the friends I work with don't.
c) I am graduating in two flippin' months, for crying out loud!

So really, the smart thing to do would be to shut up and keep pressing towards December, and stop pretending like life isn't happening for me until then.

Yeah, I'm a big fat whiner when I'm tired, I know.
Anywho, I'm off to sleep. Be encouraged, because if God puts up with me, he'll certainly put up with you.

Bendiciones.

A Good Day

Today is going to be good for four reasons:

1) Because I said so.

2) I finally recieved my copy of Michael Segell's The Devil's Horn: The Story of the Saxophone, From Noisy Novelty To King of Cool. (Any time you get book with a title like that, you know it's going to be good.)



3) I'm playing banjo in church again tonight (I may well be the first Colombian salsa-dancing, banjo-playing saxophonist you've ever met)

4) It's Saturday, which means that we're having service tonight at Flamingo Road Church! Woohoo!

The Best Thing

Of all of the pictures of Stephanie and I, I think that this is probably my favorite one of all. There's something in it that, for me at least, captures a bit of the innocence and simplicity that marks so much of our courtship.
I left Stephanie's house in prayer, like so many times before, wandering back over the night in my mind, asking for clarity and the grace to recognize and avoid bad decisions and the wisdom to choose the good ones. The drive home from her family's place is nearly always like this; I know that one day my role as a husband is going to require way more wisdom than I currently have. And I know I'm going to make some mistakes along the way. I know it. But that doesn't mean that I can't prepare now, can't start practicing and developing an attitude that defines my love by the degree of its sacrifice. And so I pray. And one of the things I try to always pray for is that I would chose what's best. Not what I want. Not what's even necessarily enjoyable. What's best.

As I drove farther on, my mind wandered to the Lord's prayer and the wording Jesus used when he gave it to his disciples. I can remember memorizing it as a child, embedding the "art"s and "thy name"s of the King James English in my mouth so thoroughly that it still feels strange reciting it any other way. Right around Sheridan and Stirling, it occured to me that there is no section in the prayer where Jesus prays for anyone's sick grandma. There are prayers for our daily bread and requests that we be delivered from bad things, but no real "Ask" section of the prayer, at least not in the way I understood most prayer requests. For a minute, I wondered why this was.
Fortunately, I've been reading Dallas Willard's The Divine Conspiracy, so I was able to remember that Jesus is brilliant, and he chose his words on purpose (by the way, if you haven't read it, you should stop reading this blog and go buy his book. He's way smarter than I am).
I'm sure that this information has probably been around forever, but it means something to me because it didn't come to me directly from another person, so it feels special in a way. Jesus prayed that the will of the Father would be done on earth as it is in heaven, that his range of effective will would overcome our tiny kingdoms. If I've got brains in my head that still work, I have to realize that the best thing that could ever happen to me or anyone else is the breaking through of God's Kingdom. In that moment, I realized that I could be as poetic and eloquent as I wanted to be to try to put words to how much I have fallen completely in love with this woman, but it could all be trumped by a simple, "Father, may your will be done in her life as it is in heaven," because nothing is better in this life or the next than to know God.
Which makes me feel really good, because it means that Christ in his mercy has made it possible for me to really love Stephanie in the best way possible; by following and knowing and loving him first.
I don't have to be stronger than that guy, or wittier than that other guy, or funnier than him, or even better looking than any of them to be a great boyfriend. All that it takes to pursue the best relationship, and more importanly, the best life possible, is faith and trust in the Savior who makes it possible to know the Father.
Every poet, every Casanova, every mac daddy playa, trumped by the unstoppable love of Christ. Is that neat or what?

Those weren't my pants

Well, tonight's gig with the orchestra went fabulously. All the wrong notes were played by people other than me, and I got some great feedback about how the saxophone blended with the rest of the ensemble. So, all you frustrated classical saxopohonists out there, know that a blow was struck for equality tonight.

Of course, the night wouldn't have been complete without something going disatrously wrong, and sure enough, the third worst thing that could have happened to me before a gig happened. It all went down when I was changing into my tuxedo about fifteen minutes before the downbeat. I grabbed my clothes, and as I started buttoning up my shirt, I discovered that my tuxedo pants - a very important piece of any musician's concert attire, you must agree - were nowhere to be found. I couldn't believe it. My first time soloing with a full symphony orchestra, and I left my stinkin' pants at home.
I looked at my watch. Fourteen minutes until the concert starts. My solo was in the first piece, and I didn't even have enough time to run to Wal-mart. Heck, I barely had enough time to make it to my car.

So I just started laughing, because, really, when you forget your pants at a gig where you're responsible for representing your department, else can you do?

Luckily, Greg came to my rescue. Greg, who is pretty close to twice my size, who also happened to be wearing black pants that day. I thanked him profusely and climbed into his cavernous pantalones, cinched up his belt and tucked it into the belt loops (it wrapped around me almost twice), and went on my merry way, all the while hoping that they wouldn't make me stand up to play.

Fortunately, no one really noticed, since they sat me in hte back in between the second clarinet and the first horn. Still, it was a fun night. And I can now tell people about that one time when I had to play an orchestra gig without my pants.

Apology

My mission for this morning: make an apology.

Here's the hard part. I'm not allowed to make excuses or try to micro-manage the other person's reaction by anything I say. In other words, I need to let my yes be yes and my no be no. It's a simple acceptance of responsibility.

Sheesh, this is going to be hard.


UPDATE ON THIS POST:
Things went really well. It was surprisingly difficult to just apologize without adding any extra explanations to justify my behavior. Knowing that I was going to post this later helped, so thanks guys!

BTW, the conversation went great!

Thoughts from the editing room

The thing about video editing is that it takes hours for each minute of film you're trying to produce.

Right now I'm in the office finishing up the teaching video for our Doral campus. Before that, I was in my car, driving away from Stephanie's house, marveling at all of the signs I have been able to see of God's grace in our relationship, in awe at the circumstances and decisions that have made possible a courtship where to this day, shame and regret are foreign concepts.

That being said, there's a definite understanding on my part that if/when we end up married, the close proximity to another imperfect human being will bring out those human imperfections real quick, but for now, I'm just enjoying being floored and amazed by the fruit that just the smallest bits of obedience on our part has produced (think: loaves and fishes).
And trust me, it's small, at least on my part. I was realizing tonight as I drove along, and moreso now as I mull things over, that I spend a lot of time living my life with Christ on my terms rather than his.
Here's how it works. It's so easy for me to define my Christian experience in terms of obedience to a set of boundary markers. I'm a straight shooter. It's how I'm wired. Give me rules, routine, boundaries, clean black and white divisions, and I'm a happy camper. The less complicated for me, the better. What I realize in times like these is that Jesus wants to change me into the right kind of person so I can know God, not just a person who does the right things because he has to.

Troy used a paintball gun and a target to demonstrate our inability to hit the mark 100% of the time; in other words, we blow it. Paul in Galatians tells us (and me) that trying to live life by following rules won't get me anywhere, and one of the reasons for this is because it doesn't do anything about my heart. The rules don't produce the righteousness I need. I could sing poetry all day, but if I don't mean it, my girlfriend will know that I'm just going through the motions.
I think the reason that the rules are sometimes so difficult to follow, or at least follow well, is because I haven't been fully changed into the right kind of of person; I'm a child of God, but sometimes would rather trade His Kingdom for mine, would rather choose the lack of security that comes from living my life my way rather than Christ's. It's control. It's lack of trust. And it's something that someday, by the grace of God, I'm going to have to learn to get past if I'm going to fully live the life I was intended to live.

Which brings me back to Stephanie. Tomorrow-or, today I should say, as I look at the time-we celebrate 8 months of courtship, which is probably a bigger deal to us than to anyone else. Times like these often make me wonder about the person I'm becoming.

(By the way, my sax professor told me after my lesson this week that he doesn't want to know me when I'm old, because I'm going to be insufferable; apparently he was trying to imply that I am somewhat anal retentive. Needless to say, I have no idea what hes's talking about.)

Random tangents aside (further proof that this DVD needs to hurry up and finish burning so that I can go home and go to sleep), I think that this is one of the most beautiful promises in Scripture. It's God's presence in us. It's the hope that, by relying on His Spirit, my our dead life is crucified so that he can birth something better in us, so that he can awaken us to the fact that this was the way life was meant to be lived all along, and by doing so, he can give us the real treasure of the Gospel: Himself.
I seriously think this is possible. As a Christian, I have to believe it's possible, because Jesus said it was.
I just have to learn to live in that reality.

Classical saxophone

Sometimes art music gets tedious because of all the rehearsing involved with getting it off the ground. There's looking for a practice room, finally finding a practice room, getting kicked out said practice room because an ensemble had the room reserved, and then there's the joy of spending an hour on one three-measure passage so that you can get it up to a speed that's still ten clicks below the tempo you actually need to play it at.
In my orchestration book, there is the following quote:

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Talk about anal retentive.

Aside from brain surgery, I don't know a field that demands as much consistent precision as music. Sometimes it's tedious, because when you look at the kind of money musicians make (and by "musicians" I don't mean most pop stars you hear on the radio. No offense, Britney), it tends to make you scratch your head and wonder why all the effort. Why not just get a job as a mailman? At least it's steady income.

And then a night like tonight happens.

My quartet got together for the first time and we rehearsed tonight, and it was seriously off the hook. We dug into Glauzunov's Quartet for Four Saxophones, and my word, it was gorgeous. It's not even anywhere near performance tempo, and it's gorgeous.
The Rascher Sax Quartet has a recording of this piece that you'll love; look them up on amazon. The cover looks like this:

The quartet is made up of myself, two of my professors, and another guy who teaches Middle School Band up in North Broward, which means that rehearsals move pretty quickly, but that's not the best part. What I loved tonight was that point in the middle of the second movement where we stopped sight reading and were just grooving, following each other, moving the speed and the dynamics of the piece forward and back, up and down, each person just feeling it out. It was a conversation without words, and it reminded me of the gift that I have in being able to produce the sounds that I do on my horn. Saxophones, played correctly, blend well with almost any instrumental combination you can think of, but there's nothing like experiencing a quartet of them playing in one accord. Difference tones flying around everywhere, the vibration through your whole body as you feel your sound fitting hand in glove with the guys across and next to you, that point where suddenly the four of you are like one instrument...it's pretty flippin' sweet.

Anyway, all that to say that I am floored when I remember that those harmonies, all the sync of those moments, all of that is an invention of God's. It's designed. That it moves us the way that it does is a gift, and it makes me wonder what it will sound like on that day when we're all finally home, standing in the presence of the creator of harmony. Way too much to properly take in right now, but definitely something to sit and think about later.

Random Post of the day!

This has no deep theological significance; I jut thought it was really funny.

Pre-sleep musings

You know what? I am really glad that I periodically take time to put things down in writing like this. Looking back helps me remember that God still works, which at this point, the normal response is probably something akin to "duh," but I still get a kick out of it when common sense works for me. I had one of those moments Wednesday night.


You see, this past Wednesday I had the rather neat oppertunity to share a part of my story at The Loft, which is the post-collegiate singles group here at FRC. It was a lot of fun, and for a time I found myself feeling that same feeling that influenced me to leave home and pursue a Music Ed. degree FSU.
I think what I liked the most about the whole experience, though, was what I learned from being up front - or rather, what I was reminded of (warning: pithy quote ahead).

According to Google (therefore I get no credit for knowing this), it was Samuel Johnson who said that people "more frequently need to be reminded rather than informed," which perfectly describes me, a guy for whom years of public school testing has sharpened my short term memory into a well-oiled machine - to the point that I can learn something and forget I ever heard it mere days later.

Anywho, Benn and Debbi asked me to talk about the journey I've been on, what I've been through, and as I thought through and read over some of my past entries, I was reminded of something very true and very much needed at this point in my life.

I talked about last year, starting with January of '05. How I found myself one night in a very distressing awareness of how selfish and immature I really was, and how, having no idea of how to fix it on my own, I prayed a very scary prayer that went something like "God, you need to break me or this isn't going to change." And it totally sucked (they don't call it brutal honesty for no reason), but at the same time, as I heard Louie Giglio say once, it "hurt good." Anyone who's known brokenness will understand what I'm getting at.
Fast forward to a year later, after I'd almost forgotten about the whole thing, when I finally starting taking small steps towards focusing on Christ and not on the waves around me. Among my entries, I found a small, innocuous sentence that is slowly coming to mean a whole lot to me, because it represents a shift in me that I can in no way take credit for:

"...I think that more than anything else, this [entry] is another sign that I'm slowly learning to believe the truth that in the end, where I end up and who I end up there with isn't up to me anymore...",

Learning to believe...the story of my life.
Such a small thing on the outside. Miniscule, really. After all, how many times do people grow out of things, or eat something that makes them feel different, or hear the right song, whatever. Yeah, it doesn't seem like a big deal.
But it is to me.
That last year. The courtship I'm a part of. The very fact that I can look back on eight months of serious relationship with absolutely nothing to hide and the confidence that Christ has been at the center, not because we're so great, but by God's grace alone...those things mean a whole lot.
And I've still got a long way to go. But it's nice to be reminded that God really does still change people.

Practice time!

Today was my first saxophone lesson since May.
I mention this because this was also the day that I discovered just how out of shape I've gotten over the summer.
Don't ask me why, but for some reason I figured that with me graduating in December, things on the classical end of things would be less intense than in time past. In hindsight, this obviously makes no logical sense, since my junior recital (which was only a half hour long) almost kicked my butt last Spring, and I now have a little over two months to full-out prepare a Senior recital (which is twice as long and will determine whether I start 2007 in a good mood or not).

Add to that another semester as section leader in wind ensemble, the confirmation received today that my quartet will indeed be rehearsing and gigging this season, and a possible shot to play a solo with the orchestra, and suddenly I've found myself with more necessary preparations than you could shake a really big stick at.

Yeah, don't tell me, I already know.

But you know what? There is good news, though, and it is this: I may have slacked on saxophone this summer, but I got really good at video. I promise.

Just kidding, there's better news than that.
After evaluating where things were and checking the urge to go running screaming into the hills, I went into a practice room spent some time wood shedding the basics like I hadn't done in a while, and wouldn't you know, once the cobwebs got cleared up I found that I'm not in as terrible a shape as I thought.
The diminished scales are a little rocky and some of the high notes have wandered a little sharp, but it's mostly there. Mostly.

The moral of the story?
I should have graduated last year.

Home, sweet home

Vacations are a blast, but there's nothing quite like these moments when the day's over and all the goodbyes are said and I find myself here in the quiet comfort of my own room.
I love the pace of my life most days; it's a good feeling for me to put in a good effort, to give the full day all it's worth. That being said, I think my favorite part is usually after all's said and done, when all the activity is over. It was Frost who wrote that "the fact is the sweetest dream that labor knows," and I think I agree. The quiet moments of reflection are where it's at for me, when I can unwind and think things like "holy crap, I hope I never tell a joke that corny again," or hopefully learn something.
Anyway, all that to say that it feels really, really good to be here in this moment.

The time spent in Orlando and Ocala was an absolute blast. Rock the Universe went as well as could possibly be expected, given the bad weather and crowds and the loss of my favorite $5 Wal-mart sunglasses, which were sacrificed to The Mummy about ten minutes after we entered the park (just goes to show you, when they say hang on to your belongings, they really mean it).
The best part of it all, though, was spending time with Stephanie's family.

It seems to me that as I observe much of the interactions between people these days, pretense seems to be a recurring theme. By this I don't mean to accuse anyone of being false on purpose; far from it. What I mean is that intimacy is tough. Think about it. When was the last you asked how someone was doing and really had time to hear their entire answer? That's why we use pretense, because distance is easy and convenient and saves time. The trouble is, it is impossible to get to know someone deeply without spending some serious chunks of unhurried time with them. I figured this one out after spending high school trying to be everyone's best friend and realizing I couldn't do it. I don't think anyone can. Even Jesus had his levels of intimacy (the twelve, and then the inner circle of Peter, James, and John), my point being that this weekend was a chunk of unhurried time, and I loved it.

I can remember driving the van today and looking over at Stephanie in the passenger seat beside me, my hand in hers, both of us quietly enjoying the sounds of her younger cousins and brother and older uncle playing cards and laughing. "This is a moment we're going to be remembering and telling people about one day," I said, and she nodded, because we both knew it was true.
And the whole weekend was dotted with these gems of unhurried time spent just being, not doing, not on a deadline, but just enjoying each other's company.
Teaching Steph's cousin worship tunes on her guitar with Uncle Martin.
Soccer with the guys (which I'm actually not completely horrible at).
Grocery shopping in our pajamas with Steph and the cousins.
That's what I call a vacation.

If you ever get the chance to spend unhurried chunks of time with people you love, I think you should. It'll remind you of what it means to be human again.

Success!

Well, at long last, it looks like this blog is ready to roll!
It took me forever to figure out the banner and there's still a bunch more that I want to do, but for now, I'm pleased with how it turned out.

That, plus the finishing of the last weekend video means that it's time for me to knock out.

I'll start posting actual posts in the morning. I look forward to seeing you then!

Godspeed,

M

Development

The blog is almost up...the delay is mainly due to a bit of laziness on my part, but I really want to figure out how to customize this...more coming soon